Why EVERYONE Needs a Life Coach

Written by Barb Chapman and Tara Lehman of Twin Life Coaching & Business Services March 2018

Twin Life Coaches Tara Barb

You have probably heard the words Life Coach, but what is it and why do you need one?   Life Coaching is always about YOU the client.  As Life Coaches we are there to help you find your way, overcome struggles, meet goals, overcome challenges or help you to get unstuck.  Even if you are happy and feel all is good, then maybe you want to take on a new challenge or push yourself to a new level.  Whatever the case may be, Life Coaches can get you there.  Think of us as your cheerleaders, resource gurus and life’s personal trainer!

How do we work with you?  We work with you on moving forward, looking into your future, helping you stay accountable.  We can use or provide goal setting, resources, tools, cognitive behaviour therapy, visualization, mindfulness and may other options to keep you moving in the direction you want to move.  We ask you deep questions, so you gain an understanding of where you want to go.  We will never force you to do anything or provide you with your answers.  Everything you do is for you, by you.  We keep you motivated, moving forward and help you achieve your goals.

Why do people see us?  There are a lot of examples, but common examples can include: stress, depression, getting over a life event (ie separation or divorce, new baby), family issues, meeting your goals, simply providing resources, overcoming social anxiety, career changes, you feel “stuck” and don’t know what to do in your life.  We can help with so many of life’s challenges and struggles.

Most importantly, we as Life Coaches, are here for you!  We provide open, honest communication and work with anyone wanting and willing to make a change.

Contact us today to set up your 15 minutes free consult!  There is no time like now and it is never too late.

See you soon!

Barb Chapman and Tara Lehman

YOU Are Unique

Be more like your sister!  Why can’t you do what I want you to?  You need to follow in your father’s footsteps.  You should be a lawyer just like your Aunt.  Why can’t you be more like Joe or Jane?

Do this sound familiar?  We have all heard at some point in our lives that we should be someone we are not.  Why is that?  To be wealthier?  To feel secure or successful?   Or because that is what someone else wants for us?

Life is full of choices that you make, whether you realize it or not.  Every choice we make in life creates our unique path.  No one person is the same.  This is why a “one size fits all” approach to pretty much anything, including mental and physical health may not exist.   For example, for myself, I stay away from certain foods due to my skin disease, psoriasis.  However, what works for me, may make it worse for someone else.   Even with diseases, ailments and even problems we face, we are all different in how we respond to treatments, diet, exercise and even life coaching.  So why do we try so hard to be like everyone else?  Working with my life coaching clients helps them not only reach their potential, but see THEIR path in life, not someone else’s.

Every choice that we make changes who we are and what we will become in the future.   This is what makes us all unique.  Being an identical twin myself, I even can see how my sister and I are different.  We may have the same DNA and we may work together as life coaches, but we are unique in our own ways.

Being unique means, you get to make choices in life.  Everything you do is a choice you are making.   Lots of people say they are unhappy and are stuck in their job or something else.  But are you?  Are you unhappy at work?  Do you want a promotion or a raise?  Then do something about it because the likelihood of it coming to you is very low.  Waiting for the doors to open for you may be a very long, unfulfilling and even somewhat difficult one if you decide to sit and wait.

Let’s say you see a new position opens at your place of business.  You have 60% of the qualifications but you do not apply because you feel it is just not worth it, or you are afraid, or some tells you not to because someone else has more qualifications than you so what’s the point.  You decide not apply and you remain unhappy at work.  That was your choice to make.  Now, let’s say you actually applied, got an interview and then maybe even a job offer!  That choice to go for it could mean a happier and more fulfilled you.  However maybe you get the interview, but no job offer.  Does that make your choice to apply wrong?  Not necessarily.  You could take this time to ask the interviewers what you were missing, so you can choose to take some training, mentor someone, coaching or whatever else is needed so next time you are their number one choice.  Or, maybe you at least gained some valuable interview experience for the next great position that comes along.  Open that door and do it for you!

Remember, it is always important to be YOU and no one else.  If you want help with finding your own path, that is what I am here for.  If you want to remain as you are, then that is a choice you make too.

A life coaches role is to help you see what you have inside and bring out your uniqueness, so you can be the best you can be.  We are there to help you find your way, never to tell you what to do.  We make suggestions, brainstorm with you and maybe even share stories to bring out your ideas, but every choice you make will be yours.  You are not stuck on your path.  So, if you are unhappy OPEN THAT DOOR yourself and seek out a different path.  Only you can make a change.  Come see me today to learn more about yourself and how you can take your own path to a better, more fulfilled YOU!

Whatever you choose to do, make your life uniquely YOU!

Tara Lehman

Make Your New Year’s Resolution Happen!!

Did you, like many others, find yourself on New Year’s Eve making a resolution or setting a goal for yourself that you want to stick to this year?  Not sure how to get started?   Life Coaching can keep you accountable for your goals!

How can Barb or Tara, Twin Life Coaches, help you?  We have some great goal setting tools we can use to create your SMART goal that will keep you on track this year.  As Life Coaches we will meet with you to work through your challenges in keeping your resolution this year.  No more excuses!  We are here to support you.

What is a SMART goal?  Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic/Resourced and Time Limited.  Using this method, we are able to help you clarify your goals and break them down into more easily achievable steps.

Specific means being clear in your goals knowing what you want and the smaller steps you may need to take.

Measurable: we will ensure that you feel your outcome has been achieved and you know when you have succeeded.

Achievable: Life Coaches work with you to ensure your goal is within reach and you don’t set yourself up for failure.  We will celebrate all your small successes along the way.

Realistic / Resources: We can help you with understanding what resources you may need and if your goal is a realistic one for yourself.  Perhaps you need smaller goals or access to other resources which we can help you with.

Time Limited: as Life Coaches we can help you develop a time line to achieve your goal(s) that makes sense to you.

Smart Goals

Contact us today and let’s get started on your New Year’s Resolution!

Happy New Year from Barb and Tara!

Conversational Tips and Reminders

Do you argue with your partner, friend, children?  Do feel like when you have conversations that the other person is not hearing you?

Perhaps it isn’t the situation or topic you are talking about that is causing the argument but rather how you are talking to each other.  Perspective in the other person’s reactions to your comments need to be taken into consideration.  Here you will find a set of tips and reminders that should be considered when having an in-depth conversation with someone about something that you both may not agree to.  Remember that you both have your own perspectives and each should be considered and listened to whole-heartedly. This is a guide designed to support you in having an effective conversation even with the most challenging topics, while reducing the conflict that may occur during the conversation.  The processes of change are not meant to be a set of unbreakable rules, but rather a helpful set of basic conversational and relationship principles

ü  If one person brings up an issue that in some way relates to the actions and behaviours of others, both parties should make sure these comments are acknowledged and respected.  It is understood that in order to make positive change, everyone’s reactions and behaviours will need to change

ü  Everyone needs to respect the needs of each other.  Some needs may create conflict but there is always room for change and respect. Everyone should be entitled to their opinions whether you feel confident in them or not.

ü  All feedback from each other over a conflict needs to be non-aggressive and try to be as specific as possible.  The conversation should not spread to other areas of conflict.  The actual problem and only that problem should be discussed at the time of the conversation.

ü  Cooperation is key!  Understand that there are differences and always will be.

ü  Remember that in conflict situations where something is annoying you, that this is just a small part of your experience with that person.  Keep in mind this is someone you care about with an irritating issue right now, not someone you hate.

ü  When discussing your criticism with the other person, remember to remind them that you care about them, but that this action, behaviour or topic is what is annoying you at that moment, not the whole person

ü  When you do lose your temper or use harsh words, remember to apologize specifically about losing your temper.  This does not mean you are apologizing for your opinion or thoughts about the situation, just that you should have not responded in the way you did.

ü  Remember if you are having an argument with someone who is drunk, extremely tired, had a hard day at work, this person is likely going to respond negatively. If it can wait, wait to have your discussion about your frustration when the person is rested with a clear head.  This will help to have a more productive discussion.

ü  Remember that all issues brought up by the two people having the disagreement are issues these individuals have, not that one of these two people have.  They must be worked out together, the responsibility is shared.

ü  Respect one another!  This is important to work through challenges.  If you can’t respect each other’s opinions, you will have difficulty moving forward.

ü  Remember that no one is perfect and we are all wrong from time to time. Admitting it is a great start

ü  Keep in mind that if you are arguing about how something should be done; both you AND  the other person might be right.  There are often more solutions than just one so both parties may be correct.  Now you need to work together to find the best solution for your situation!

ü  Give each other time to speak without interruption.  Actively listening to the other person will help both parties understand what the other is saying.

ü  Speak clearly and calmly even if you feel frustrated.  The other person may not understand what you are saying if you are yelling, screaming, crying or talking too quickly.  “Slow and steady wins the race”

Copy write  2017 Twin Life Coaching and Business Services

I Did It! Conquering My Fear

Written by: Tara Lehman on August 4th 2017
All my life I have hated and feared spiders, and particularly those long legged, hairy, large and scary tarantulas.  I have seen them at events, in cages and even at birthday parties, where I have had chances with other onlookers to touch or hold one of those creatures.  My fear was so intense I could not even look at them or would shake my arms as I backed away as if it were walking up my arm.  That all changed in at Science North in Sudbury on July 29th 2017.

With my wonderful sister, her kids, partner and my daughter, we all drove from our cottage on Manitoulin Island to Science North for my nephew’s birthday.  I love this place and had been there a couple of years earlier.  Enjoying the hands on experiences there, I held a giant millipede, fed a skunk and held a snake – all without fear, but full of curiosity.  However, when we came near the tarantulas, I sped past them saying “yuck” without looking.

This year was different.  I had just started to read a great book on worry and anxiety by Dale Carnegie entitled: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.  This is an old book and some of the stories I have to ignore (including parts of a chapter about housewives) as the book was written in the 1940’s.  I had only read a couple of chapters when we went, but I began to realize that us humans worry too much, including myself.

I thought, as I had to stop and watch my nephews hold the tarantula when we got to that part of Science North that day, ‘why can they do this and I can’t?  As kids, a lot of us have lesser fear of things such as spiders and bugs than we do as adults – I remember playing with daddy long-legged spiders without worry as a little kid.  I was proud of myself for having the ability to stop and actually watch my nephews hold this hairy bug, as normally I would have told them I would meet them at the next exhibit, then run!  The handler then ask if I wanted to try holding “her”.  I hesitated and to my surprise responded with: “I think so.”  What did I just say?  I was shocking myself, let alone the family around me.  I handed my sister my phone to take a picture, placed my hand on the table and told the handler I was ready.  The spider, which was very gentle and surprisingly light, walked onto my hand.  My sister took a couple of pictures and then I said: “please take it off”.  We then went on to the next exhibit, butterflies which are way more my thing, where my hand shook for about 10 minutes after that spider experience.  Even now when I look at the picture I can’t believe I did it, but am showing that picture to everyone with pride!

What happened in my mind that day?  I thought about how nothing horrible happened to my nephews, the handler was right beside me to take the tarantula off the second I asked him to, and he had told me that she was gentle and would not bite.  I asked myself, ‘In this situation, what is the worst thing that could happen?’  Well it may bite me.  ‘What were the odds of this happening?’  Very low or they would not allow her to crawl on people’s hands.  So, what was I all worried about?  Nothing really.  Processing the thoughts and likelihood of my worse fear happening helped me get over this fear.   I accepted the odds of anything bad happening as being really low and I faced my fear.  Would I handle a domestic tarantula again?  You bet I would!
Dale Carnegie has great ways in his book, on how to think about and overcome worry, most of which as still valid today.  I have created a thinking process tool to help with overcoming fears, from several of his tips.  Good luck and conquer those fears one at a time!

TLC Tool – Conquering Your Fear:
1 – Write down or ask yourself, “What am I afraid of in this moment?”
2 – Write down or ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that could possibly happen?
3 – Write down or ask yourself, “What is the likelihood that my worst fear will happen?”  This is where you need to analyze the situation as I did above.  My fear of the spider biting me was not likely to happen and if it did, there was plenty of help around.   If she did bite me and my fear happened, I was in a safe environment.
4 – Accept your analysis and prepare yourself to move forward – deep breathing works here too or having a safe environment with people around, such as in my situation.
5 – Ask yourself if you are ready to face it.   If not, try starting with a smaller fear.
6 – Face your fear with pride! Good luck!
Conquering Fear